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Logfile LOG9605B Part 7

May 10, 1996

File: "FORKNI-L LOG9605B" Part 7

	TOPICS (Continuing List Wars--FK War II post from parts 3, 4, 5 & 6):
	Damn The Fractals!
	FKWARSII--Judgment Call
	FKWARSII--Schanke Wonders
	FKwars2: Family Feud escalates
	FK Wars:  A Nasty FTP surprise!
	FKWars2: Family feud turns frightening
	FK Wars 2:Disks Away!
	FK Wars 2: Clearing things up
	FkWars2: Family Feud Spreads to Friends
	FKWARII: Rumblings
	FKWars2(???): Mom Goes Ballistic

Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 20:14:00 EDT
From: "Asst. Listowner" 
Subject:      Damn The Fractals!

Laurie saved her database of all the Tshirt orders. Things on that
end were looking good. She had just talked to Dana and she said
they would slide the order in after the Arts Festival. What this
all meant was that at least she would have the orders in time to
hand carry most of them up to Toronto. She was going to have to buy
a bottle of wine for Van and Dana to help repay for all their
trouble and also for the headache they were about to encounter when
they started to print them.

Exiting out of the tshirt file, she went to her readlist. Several
new messages... the war was in full swing and she was supposed to
be doing her fractals.

"Damn the fractals, full speed ahead!"

Laurie grabbed the phone and made a reservation for a flight to
Toronto. One of the messages she had received was from Janette.

* * *

The Raven was quiet. Janette stood by the bar when she entered. Her
last visit was not very pleasant and had taught her A LOT about
*cough* "Uncle".

"Well, look what the.. Oh, nevermind. Does COUSIN Sandye still have
your key?"

"Yes, but I had the locks changed just before I left."


"All the Cousins seem to be gathering across the hall."

"Very Good. And?"

"And I think it is about time something was done about that."

Janette only smiled before she said, "And do the others believe

"Do you believe me?"

"One thing I have learned is to never trust LaCroix."

"So have I."

"Then you are prepared?"

"Yes," Laurie glanced around the room before she continued,"John
wants to defect. He too is tired of LaCroix's manipulation and
unappreciative manner when it comes to strong minds."

"Your minds could not have been *that* strong since you followed
him in the first place."

"Some lessons are hard to learn."

"And others even harder. Who is John leaning towards?"

"I'm not sure. But he will be a great addition to any affiliation."

"Now, down to business...."

Janette laid out her plans for Laurie.

When she finally returned home, Laurie began to email the others...
---------[Thursday, July 7th]--------------------

Date:         Sat, 9 Jul 1994 14:03:05 -0500
From: TMP_HARKINS@d.......
Subject:      FKWARSII--Judgment Call

July 7, 1994, 4:00 AM

     I woke in a cold sweat, sitting up quickly.  So quickly, in
fact, that the nightmare I'd been having mostly disappeared.  But
I was left with the vague impression that characters on the
"Forever Knight" show were in danger.
     I quietly got out of bed and went to the refrigerator for a
drink of Kool Aid.  That "War" stuff must have really been preying
on my mind.  Of course I'd dreamed about the characters of the show
before--usually in context to whatever story about them that I
happened to be working on.  'I wonder if Susan Garrett dreams
stories, too--I'll have to remember to ask her,' I thought.
     I walked out into the living room and switched on a lamp.  I
looked at the silent computer, then sat down in the chair in front
of it and turned it on.  Maybe one of the people I'd sent my
message to asking if the "FK Wars" was real (one of the Sharons,
Pam, or Dawn) had sent me a reply to my query.
     Nope.  Nothing from any of them.  There weren't a lot of new
messages and most of them were Gamemasters list mail for Bruce and
some FORKNI-L mail.
     Come to think of it, I'd had no personal replies to my last
messages to Lisa McDavid and Susan Garrett.  But maybe they were
just busy.
     I heard Bruce pad out to the refrigerator for a drink.  Then
he came into the living room.  "What are you doing?"
     "Checking the computer for messages."
     "Any for me?"
     "Just some Gamemasters stuff."
     "That's all?"
     "Were you expecting something else?"
     Bruce sat on the nearby couch and ran a hand through his hair.
"Well, yeah.  While you were cooking dinner last night, I sent a
message to Dawn Steele about the 'Wars.'"
     "You did!  I thought you thought it was a joke!"
     "Well, it occurred to me it might be--well, I _did_ declare
myself a Die-Hard, after all.  I just thought I'd write to her and
remind her."
     "Do you think it's some sort of role-playing game?"
     "Maybe.  I don't know.  Maybe we'll find out tomorrow."  He
stood up.  "You coming back to bed?  We've got a good deal to do
     "In a minute," I said.  After he left the room, I switched off
the computer and the lamp.  Then I made my way back to bed, the
uneasiness from my near-forgotten nightmare making me lie awake for
a long while in the darkness.
     Then it hit me!  Of course!  A listmember had not long ago
responded to a query of mine on the list about how someone would
locate an officer in the Toronto Metro Police if all the person
knew was that the person in question was a policeman named Knight
(it was info I'd needed for my second DuPrey story).  The guy had
sent me the actual police information number that was used for
such purposes.
     I jumped out of bed, fortunately quickly enough so I didn't
disturb Bruce much and ran back to the computer.  Before long, I
had called up the information I wanted.  I copied the number down
and switched off the computer again.
     Dawn was filtering through the blinds at the picture window
as I picked up the phone.  Would anyone be at this number at this
hour?  Maybe there was an automatic answering machine if no one
was there.  I dialed the number and waited, wondering if I _had_
finally flipped out.
     When there was an answer on the other end, I hesitated.
Then more inspiration hit me!  I asked for the number of the
27th precinct.  The female voice gave me the information and I
hung up.
     I looked at the number in my hand.  Should I call it?
     Why not?  All I'd be told is no if there was no such person
(or persons).
     "Toronto Metro Police, 27th Precinct," came the female voice.
     "I'd--like to speak to (the light outside the window was
decidedly rosy) Detective Don Schanke."
     "Hold, please."  I waited, then a familiar sounding male
voice came on the line with,
     "Schanke.  What can I do you for?"  The voice sounded tired.
     "Detective Don Schanke?" I hoped my voice didn't sound as
weak as I felt.
     "Yeah.  Who's this?"
     "I'm--trying to locate Detective Nick Knight."
     "Knight's off duty.  But I'm his partner.  If this is about
one of our cases--"
     I hung up the phone, my heart pounding.  Surely it _couldn't_
be a coincidence that _both_ a Detective Schanke and a Detective
Knight were stationed at the 27th Precinct _and_ that they were
partners to boot!  I raced back to the bedroom to wake up Bruce.

                        To Be Continued

Date:         Sun, 10 Jul 1994 03:52:40 -0500
From: TMP_HARKINS@d.......
Subject:      FKWARSII--Schanke Wonders

July 7, 1994, early morning.

     Schanke looked at the dead phone receiver in his hand, then
placed it back in its cradle.  He frowned in some irritation.
"What the hell was that all about?" he muttered.
     Could it have been a "female acquaintance" of Nick's?  "Nah,"
he said.  She'd sounded timid, nervous, almost frightened.
     He pulled on his jacket.  Come to think of it, there'd been a
couple other weird calls for Nick lately.  At least judging by his
partner's expression when he'd received them.
     Nick had sure seemed distracted at the Fourth of July carnival
he'd made him attend.  At least his presence there had put a damper
on any "personal conversation" Myra might have wanted to pursue (as
Schanke had hoped).  He smiled as he remembered the "making up" he
and Myra had engaged in after they got home.
     But Nick had been edgy ever since.  And he wouldn't talk about
what was bothering him.
     Nat had seemed edgy the last couple of days, too.  Despite
Nick's assurances that he and Nat were "just friends," he'd
wondered if maybe they were more than that and had had some sort of
     Schanke looked at the phone again.  But then there was that
odd phone call.  He frowned, wondering if perhaps there was
something going on besides a "lovers' spat."
     But he didn't feel like thinking any more about it right now.
Right now he was _dead_ and all he wanted was home and some sleep.
     He walked out to his car and, yawning, drove off into the warm
     "Besides, if he needs any help, he knows all he's gotta do is
     Didn't he?
Date:         Wed, 6 Jul 1994 09:56:32 EDT
From: Lisa McDavid 
Subject:      FKwars2: Family Feud escalates

Lisa sat at her computer with steam coming out of her ears.

According to Brian Gerstel:
"*Now* Nick understood.  Larry Merlin was less than a century old
-- practically a baby in the eyes of vampires like LaCroix.  He
hated their condescension, and took any opportunity he could to
play elaborate jokes on them.  Nothing to make them forget how
useful he was, mind you -- just enough to keep them wondering."

So *Little Brother* Larry had told Brian he was "less than a
century old," had he? Like about 97 or 98? Fine. And just what did
that make his older sister? If only she had a scanner at home, Lisa
thought. Larry's birth certificate would probably interest the
other cousins, especially what "Larry" was really short for.

The clock on the wall clicked as the minute hand moved. Lisa stared
at it. 5:30 in the morning. Less than an hour until sunrise, and no
word from Larry. She reached for the Old Farmer's Almanac. Yes, she
was right about sunrise in Toronto. Humming "Fan Kill,"
personalized to the situation, Lisa moved the mouse over and
clicked on the deerstalker and pipe icon.

Really, Larry's sense of humor had been in arrested development
long before he'd been brought across. A few commands with the
control key held down activated Larry's Sherlock programs. Within
two minutes, the names of all men with the initials LM who had
flown out of Toronto on any flight last night, including planes
currently on the runway at either airport, flashed across the
screen. Another few keystrokes, and the program reported that all
of them checked out in various databases as owners of driver's

Lisa nodded to herself. gif. No, none of the photographs
was Larry. True, some of them appeared to have been fed into
assorted highway department files from Nat's autopsy reports, but
none was Larry.

Okay, Larry's absentmindedness limited him to aliases with his own
initials. His unfortunate and invariable air sickness even when
flying on his own confined him to using airplanes, usually after
getting pie-eyed in a vain attempt to control his fear of heights.
He'd exchanged mail with Brian last night. Little Brother was still
in Toronto.

Lisa smiled. This expression had been known to make strong men
climb trees in an effort to get away from her. LaCroix had banged
his head rather badly on the ceiling the last time she'd looked at
him that way.

"Poor Uncle! I warned you to call off Alexandra."

The incoming mail signal beeped. From force of habit Lisa switched
over.  Well, well. So LaCroix had gone touristing off to State
College, Pennsylvania. The smile widened.

Lestrade.Tor. The Toronto court system menu appeared on
Lisa's monitor. She pressed the number for warrant, filled in the
template and dispatched the results to the Royal Canadian Mounted
Police (courtesy information copy), both the relevant police and
sheriff's departments in State College in case the apartment in
question fell outside the city limits, and the FBI.

Alexander.DC.NVA.MD. Lisa couldn't be sure whether the
number she wanted was in Washington proper or one of the suburbs.
It wouldn't be listed or published, of course, but that was no
problem with access to the phone company's own computers. She added
a colon: Muldur, *F*.

In a surprisingly short time, the number she wanted appeared. Lisa
punched in seven numbers after the 1 and the 301 area code.

"Mumph! Hello?" Agent Muldur did answer his phone in person. Lisa
had thought he would. The Bureau wouldn't like having to leave
messages on a machine if the little green men were coming through
the walls.

"Oh, thank God! This is Lisa McDavid, Larry Merlin's sister. He
just called me in hysterics from State College, Pennsylvania.
Something about that man with the post-punk hair cut you were
asking me about? He's got Larry and at least three others held
hostage. Of course I know the address! He just wasn't sure which
apartment he was in." Lisa gave both Laurie's and Sandye's as
alternatives. "And, please, Mr. Muldur, tell them to hurry. I know
this sounds ridiculous, but Larry was babbling about vampires. I'm
sure it's just a coincidence but he did say something about someone
named Dana being tied up and a second draining just after sunrise
.... Oh, bless you! Yes, I do have the police and sheriff's


lestrade + alexander, Lisa typed, finishing with the
number of the line Larry's tracing program had reported as
responsible for storing incoming police radio communications in the

So far, SWAT Teams -- involved in  heated territorial disputes with
psychologist/negotiators -- were on the doorsteps of both
apartments and under all windows. The police were threatening to
shoot down the helicopter from the Pittsburgh CBS affiliate if it
didn't clear the area before something called an airwolf arrived.
Three large, black cars filled with bulky men in dark suits had
just pulled up and were moving in formation past everyone else.

The door to an apartment number Lisa recognized as Sandye's was
said to have opened. A tall woman with dark hair, cursing in what
appeared to be a combination of French and an unidentified language
was shoved through it, followed by a figure in a monk's habit.
*Monk's habit?*  Lisa snorted. Really, Uncle was wasted on his
latest hobby, radio.  He ought to be writing Gothic romances.

Lisa picked up the phone again and dialed the Toronto area code. In
an apartment above the Raven, a telephone rang. "Good morning,
Janette!  This is your wakeup call. LaCroix's using one of your
Ravenettes as a shield to get past enough artillery to refight
Gettysburg and he's going to blame you. Oh, stop babbling. I don't
need to have studied medieval French to know that's very vulgar.
Besides, it's physically impossible. Anyway, his little tracing
toys are going to show phone calls to every law enforcement agency
in a fifty mile radius of State College as having come from your
personal phone. Why? Because when I fingered Alexandra, she showed
up on your line, reading alt.romance.  That means she's in the
Raven and you know it. It also means my gonads-for-brains little
brother's in there with her. No, of course you didn't know about
it. And the moon's made of green cheese!"

Cousin Lisa (Probably on the wrong side of the blanket)
Lisa McDavid d020214@u.......  (bitnet)
             d020214@u.......  (internet)
Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 13:59:25 -0230
From: "M. J. Farrell" 
Subject:      FK Wars:  A Nasty FTP surprise!

"Wav files!?!  Did someone say Wav files!?!?"  Mary quickly copied
down the address.  It was, however, three o'clock in the morning,
Ravenettes don't *do* 9 to 5 darling, and she filed it away for
future reference.

The next day, she came across the address again.  She quickly FTP'd
to the site and downloaded a file called "fkwaves.exe".  She ran
it, it unzipped and deposited several interesting looking .wav
files into her Windows directory.  She went to the Sound feature
and clicked on test..hm..the speaker was messed up again..just a
sec..ok..she leaned close to the tinny pc internal speaker and

"What!?!  No Phone message?  No 'Nat's Bed and Breakfast'?  No
'Try'. Those rotten, ROTTEN Cousins!  THAT'S what I get for
listening to them!"  NOT having a Barneyphobia, she merely sniffed
in disgust and deleted the offending files.  "They wanna play, do
they!?!  Well...lessee..what can I..."  She trailed off, as a
rather Janette-like smile crossed her face.  She scooped up the
telephone and dialed the Raven.

"Janette?  It's Mary.  You remember me telling you about that
bizarre news story I yesterday?"

Janette thought for a moment. "The one about the...ick..Festival?"

"Yes!  I was thinking, wouldn't it be perfect to..."

Janette listened for a while, but then cut Mary off.

"It *is* a rather diabolical plan, darling.  Truly worthy of a
Ravenette, but quite impossible I'm afraid.  Laurie's come over."

"She's WHAT?!"

"Yes..she switched sides to the Ravenettes.  So revenge on *her* is
out.  However, there *are quite a few cousins still around.  Let's
see, who was that one with the tapes...."


By the end of the day, Cousin Lisa (wrong side of the blanket) had
received a letter hand delivered to her door.  She opened it and
was informed that she'd won the grand prize on FELINE-L, an
all-expense paid trip to the International Feline Festival, being
held in Los Angeles, CA, this weekend!

Several hours later, at the Raven:

"Maybe we shouldn't have *done* that, Janette."  Mary, looking
doubtful, was perched at the end of the bar.

"Mary!  A Ravenette never passes up the chance for a good revenge.
Do you not remember her concentrated efforts to lure you away to
the Cousins!?  She deserves this!"

"But..but..Janette.  I mean, when she gets there..and finds out
it's actually the International Garlic Festival...."


Mary, Ravenette to the Undeath
Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 12:20:52 EDT
From: Lisa McDavid 
Subject:      FKWars2: Family feud turns frightening

The u.p.s. screamed as the Lisa's computer lost power just as
LaCroix exited with Monica in tow or, strictly speaking, in push.
Lisa muttered that Murphy must have been a vampire. It had to be
the p.c.'s individual power line, because the lights and the air
conditioning were still running.

"Pu-rr-r-p?" Tizzie was trolling back and forth beside the desk,
purring.  Lisa started to push the little calico-tabby aside, then
stopped in sheer astonishment. Tizzie had managed to shoulder the
plug out of the wall.

"Ok, Tizzums, you've outdone yourself! It was funny when you jumped
up and kicked the power button to off. It was cute when you stood
on my lap and pushed the suspend button with your front paws. But
this is *not* funny. Uncle Larry's in trouble." Lisa picked up the
plug, but was prevented from reinserting it by the ringing of the
phone. One long, one short, one long: LaCroix's signal.

Lisa brought the phone to her ear. "Don't come crying to me, Uncle
Dear.  I warned you about not calling Alexandra off Larry."

"Huh?" replied a voice which was definitely not LaCroix's.

"Sandye? What're you doing using Uncle's phone?"

"He said to. The fuzz probably have my line tapped by now."
Suddenly Sandye sounded like Janette. "He's very disappointed."

"Oh, yeah? Well, so am I. Tell him he can forget the new muzzle for
Christmas -- Yow!!"

"Lisa? Have the Knighties come after you?"

"No, just Java pulling his usual trick of parachuting into my lap
and starting to knead. That cat has claws like something in an
acupuncture set. We are Siamese if you *don't* please."

Knowing Lisa's utter incorrigibility as a cat person, Sandye said
firmly, "Look, did you ever get cable?"

"Not with FK going to syndication. Why?"

"Because one of the reasons Uncle just hustled Monica outside is
that we've hit the big time. CNN -- live."  Sandye added a muffled,
off-receiver, "I don't *know* how he knew you had an old Halloween
costume. Really, Dennis, I'm a cousin, not a clairvoyant."

"Figures," Lisa responded. "He's a news junkie. Claims it's a good
way to keep up with the latest free food. I just hope Monica's been
eating lots of garlic. If LaCroix leaves anything, Janette will be
happy to take leftovers."

"Oh, that. It's just a little distraction so Dennis can slip out
and send faxes."

"I suppose there's a perfectly good reason why he couldn't just
walk out the front door? No, don't tell me. LaCroix doesn't want
Nick thinking he'd ever release a hostage."

"Lisa, wake up! Uncle doesn't *care* what Nee-co-lah thinks. You'd
better hope he isn't monitoring this call. If Dennis just waltzes
out, that mob out there will grab him for debriefing, trauma
testing and Dracula only knows what else."

"True. LaCroix doesn't always think like a corkscrew. Okay, so
Dennis is sending faxes. To whom and about what?" Lisa pressed the
power button on the pc as she spoke, accessed the relevant program
(this time Larry had called it "Wright-on" and used an icon of
Snoopy as the Red Baron.)  "I see. Well, in that case, I presume
Monica will be home sooner or later. Good, because I have to go out
of town. Oh, and tell dear, *dear* Uncle that I might relent about
the muzzle if he sends Alexandra off to Timbuctoo before 4:55 pm."

Sandye's frown carried over the phone. "What happens then?"

"I land in Toronto."

Cousin Lisa (Probably on the wrong side of the blanket)
Lisa McDavid d020214@u.......  (bitnet)
             d020214@u.......  (internet)


Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 12:29:10 EDT
From: SelmaMc@a.......
Subject:      FK Wars 2:Disks Away!

Selma arrived home from her flight to New Mexico. She was glad
she'd left the rabbit in the care of her cousins, Phillis and
Wayne. And the disks were safely on their way to Toronto.

She remembered the note she'd put in the box that said, "Medical
Supplies!  Urgent!":

Dear Natalie Lambert,

You don't know me, but I'm a Knightie allied with Sharon H. and
Valerie. I "recovered" these disks from Cousin John and someone
needs to look at them.  Could you pass them on to Larry? I have a
suspicion that they may have been tampered with (I didn't get a
B.A. in Computer Science for nothing).

Also, do you know anyone in any faction who is missing a rabbit? I
recovered the rabbit too, but I don't know who the owner is.

Selma McCrory


She sat down at the computer and composed a note to Valerie and

From: SelmaMc@a.......
Subj: I'm Back!

Sorry about the cryptic note, but I didn't want the cousins to find
out my plan. I just took a trip out to New Mexico and took care of
something there relating to Cousin John. Since my mom is
sufficiently peeved, I think I will skip trips in future. Can I
help you guys in the support department?

Does anyone know what happened to Brian?

Also, do you know anyone who belongs to a rabbit that was in Cousin
John's place? Don't think it was his.


She sent her mail and then went back to her job hunt.
Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 14:18:50 EDT
From: SelmaMc@a.......
Subject:      FK Wars 2: Clearing things up

Selma sighed in contentment as she got of the phone with her
relatives. She'd gotten a note from Valerie telling her who the
rabbit belonged to, and had then phoned her relatives to let them
know where to ship to. The Raven was a sensible place anyway, since
the owner seemed to travel a lot and was a Ravenette. Imagine, she
had saved the pet of a Ravenette!

For caution's sake, she had told her relatives to send it
anonymously. No sense in getting them tangled up in the war.

Now, she had to do something about Brian.

She'd learned through various contacts that he was in prison for
spreading the computer virus. Well, as soon as the box got to
Natalie and to Larry, they could find a way to clear him. At least
she had told Sharon and Valerie what was going on.

There was nothing else she could do, since she promised her mom
that she wouldn't leave Sacramento.

*  +  *    .  *
Selma McCrory
.   .   *  *  .
Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 14:05:22 EDT
From: Lisa MCDavid 
Subject:      FkWars2: Family Feud Spreads to Friends

Lisa pressed the send key for the last time and the final message
from Mary Farrell's address sped off across the Internet. Lisa
wondered if maybe using Larry's tracers to include Mary's boss's
email address with Mary's work and home phones and home address on
the post to alt.sex. bestiality_gerbils_and_duct_tape had been a
little over the top? Oh, well, Uncle always said that a job worth
doing was worth doing properly.  Besides, it wasn't like she'd
given the *boss's* name, just included the address as an alternate
for Mary, who could never be sure which one would work at any given
time, making double-posting a good idea.

The passionate defense of Forever Knight and Nick as the only
vampire and vampire universe worthy of an intelligent person's
attention on alt.vampyres should make lots of new friends for Mary.

The first response to the note on Vampyres@guvm poured before Lisa
could logoff. The combative werewolf persona was up early in
Chicago, and he had not appreciated having the list informed that
he had fleas, mange, and had been offlist recently because he had
been picked up by the dog catcher. Lisa imagined the requests were
already appearing at the ftp site she had established at Mary's
university. The cat-hating werewolf was not going to admire the
artistry with which his figure had been substituted for Mary's in
the picture of playtime with two orange-tiger kittens.

Now, what else? Oh, yes, detour by the Fed Express office on the
way to the airport, so that Pam Rush could forward the all expenses
paid trip to the International Garlic Festival in Los Angeles to

Cousin Lisa (Probably on the wrong side of the blanket)
Lisa McDavid d020214@u.......  (bitnet)
             d020214@u.......  (internet)
Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 10:54:47 EDT
From: LizBeth258@a.......
Subject:      FKWARII: Rumblings

Before she left the fleabag motel for Toronto, Beth signed on one
more time onto her AOL account.

To her surprise, she found she had a message from Cousin (?!)
Monica. She read it. She read it again. And just to make sure she
had it right, she read it a third time.

She tapped her finger under the phrase: "Janette has targeted
those  of  you who chose to ally yourselves with  the Warren  in
the  last  conflict  for  having divided  loyalties."

*Color me surprised. You're not telling me anything that I don't
already know,* Beth thought as she lit Marlboro. But how much could
she trust Monica?  A Ravenette she may be, O.K., ex-Ravenette, but
she STILL defected to LaCroix's side, no less.

It would be TOO dangerous to play both sides against the middle,
and judging by the posts, that is EXACTLY how this war started. It
was also beginning to look like Janette was the instigator this

Damn. Damndamndamndamndamn. Even Alma had more brains than to do
something that would start another war.

She carefully sent a message back:
From: lizbeth258@a.......
SUBJECT:  Don't kill the messenger!...please!

Unfortunately, you're not telling me anything I haven't figured out
on my own, though your defection is going to make things worse. It
was bad enough that Uncle was behind the Warren in the last war.
Your defection is only going to PROVE to Janette that we're all
under his control and not the free-agents we were last time. It's
messages like this that almost make me wish I was a Knightie again.
Note that I said ALMOST.  Though I might be tempted to follow you
into the abyss, I'm not so sure I want to throw myself on the mercy
of the Cousins. There is still a matter of rabbit-napping that has
to be settled.  Suffice to say, that I am heading for the Raven
even as we speak. I'll keep my eyes open and be careful.
And Monica, thank you.  I'll be in touch,
Liz-Hazel ;)

....Several hours later, she made it to the Raven, her car wheezing
all the way. The Raven was not open for business yet. She looked
around and saw that she was the first to arrive. Then she spotted
the cage on top of the bar. It looked like....

Alma came out holding a VERY contented furry ball and feeding it a
carrot. "You are so cute! Yes you are! And so sweet! I could just
eat you up." Was the vampire actually COOOOOING?


"Oh, hi! Liz-Hazel, isn't it? This just came by anonymous courier.
Someone on the Net heard that she belonged to a Raven and sent her
here, figuring that whoever her owner was would show up." Alma
scritched the rabbit's nose. Hazel was more interested in getting
to the carrot placed on the bartop. "I take it this is the Hazel in
your pairing."

Beth snatched the rabbit out of Alma's hands "Yes, yes. Thank you,
thank you." She hugged Hazel, whose eyes were practically bugging
out of her head. She REALLY wanted that carrot.

"Well, I suppose whoever's responsible is going to be calling in
the marker," Alma said as she watched the reunion with a touch of

"Alma! Not so loud. SHE might hear."

"Ahhh. She's down in the wine cellar. She ain't gonna hear
"The proper words, dear Alma, is: She ISN'T going to hear

Alma practically jumped a foot when she heard Janette. She turned
around and saw she was standing directly behind her. Hazel stopped
struggling and GLARED in the elder vampire's general direction.
Beth just clutched the rabbit, Monica's words dancing in her head.

"Alma, I believe you have work to do. There's a good girl," she
purred as Alma hastily made herself scarce. Janette then looked at
the reunited couple and gave them a withering glare. "I take it
this flea trap is yours?"

"Yes. Hazel, this is Janette."

"We've met," Janette glared at the rabbit. "It attempted to nibble
a choker on my desk when Alma brought her in for a.... visit. I
want it out of my bar."

"I don't have a hotel room yet."

"Very well. Keep it in Alma's office. And keep it out of my way,"
Janette grumbled. "When you put it away, I want you to come see me
in my office. I have a VERY special task for you."

"Yes, ma'am."

Date:         Thu, 7 Jul 1994 20:51:00 -0400
From: Christine Reynolds 
Subject:      FKWars2(???): Mom Goes Ballistic

    "ROBERT!"  Christine's voice shattered two windows and sent the
cat diving under the bed.  "COME HERE!  RIGHT ---NOW---!"
    Robert rolled his eyes.  He knew that tone of screech.  "Yeah,
Cousin Mom?"
    "WHAT IN THE--"
    "Shhhh.  No need to break any more windows.  I'm right here."
    "*What* is all *this*?"
    "All what?"
    "My email!" she sputtered.  "There are fifty-some new messages
from the FK Fiction list!"
    "Gotten a little behind on your email, huh?"
    "Those have come in since 5:00 *yesterday*!  *What* is going on
with this group?"
    "The war's started," he explained patiently.  "Remember?  I
told you all about this the other day?  It all started when Nick's
computer was stolen."
    "And now they're rabbit-napping and sending," she shuddered,
"Barney burgers and putting deer heads on cars and God knows what
else.  What a nasty bunch of folks."
    "Uh huh."  Robert's eyes gleamed.  "Uh, Cousin Mom, if you're
just going to be gnashing your teeth for a while, can I use the
computer for a few minutes?"
    "I need to get into my email account and send a...uh...a *thank
you note*."
    "Of course, dear."  She surrendered the chair and keyboard and
went to sweep up the shattered glass.
    With a wicked grin, Robert logged into his email, typed in the
address, and wrote:

    "Uncle, I'm at your command!"

    He pressed  just before Christine returned to reclaim the
    "Feel better now?" he asked sweetly.
    "I suppose so.  I'll print these things out for you."
    "Thanks, Mom."
    Christine waited until he had left the room, then keyed in a
nickname and began her own message:

    "LaCroix, I've been noticing the way you've trained these
Cousins to behave.
    "Good job!  Can I send Robert along for some of your special
    "Love and hisses, Your alleged sister, Cousin Mom"
Date:         Sat, 9 Jul 1994 23:26:05 -0500
From: TMP_HARKINS@d.......
Subject:      FKWARSII--Judgment Call (Part 2)

July 7, 1994, 10:00 AM

     I looked over at Bruce as we packed our suitcases, excitement
and dread warring with each other inside me.  If these TV show
characters _were_ real, then that meant there was a _real_ Schanke,
Natalie, Nick _and_ a real Janette and _LaCroix_.  But as finding
the show was "fate" to begin with (just as my meeting Bruce had
been), then perhaps this journey we were planning was somehow
"fated" too.
     Bruce paused in his packing and said, "Are you sure you want
to go through with this?"
     "I have to.  I know you're not as into the series as I am,
     "I hope you're not going to do anything rash."
     "I doubt I'll have the nerve."  I smiled.  "But if Nick is as
cute in person--"
     "You'd never have the nerve."
     "You're probably right.  But we _are_ going."
     "I hope it's not a waste of my vacation pay."
     "Well, it's not like we weren't planning to spend some time
alone together for part of your vacation.  I know it's not where we
originally intended to go, but you can't tell me you're not as
curious to find out if there _are_ such things as real vampires as
I am."
     Bruce got a serious look on his face.  "Yeah.  I know Nick, if
the show's to be believed, is trying to change.  But Janette--and
especially that _LaCroix_--  We may be putting ourselves in real
danger, you know."
     "Makes me glad we're leaving Amanda with my mother."
     Bruce sat on the bed.  "But we should consider some defenses."
     "Well, Nick's affected by garlic.  That's probably standard."
     "And crosses, too."
     "That may or may not apply to all of them.  But it won't hurt
for us to take them."
     "What about reflections?"
     "Nick has one, but I don't know about the others.  What we
need is something _physically_ damaging for defense."
     "Wooden stakes?"
     "No.  That would only help if the vampire was asleep.
Besides, they _can_ move about in the day."  I thought.  "What
about some sort of acid?  Is there anything we could like put in a
perfume sprayer or something like that?"
     "Well, yeah.  But the really strong acids would eat through
the plastic spray tube."  He hesitated.  "But I think I've got an
     I packed a can of aerosol hair spray in my purse, commenting,
"We can always use this as a flamethrower.  All we need's a Bic."
     Bruce picked up the Bic lighters off the dresser and passed
one on to me.  I put it in my purse.  I shut my suitcase.  Bruce
was finished packing, too, and started to shut his.  Then he
reached for his Bible.  He put it in the suitcase and shut the lid.
"What's that for?"  I asked.  Bruce didn't reply.  "Well, I guess
it won't hurt."
     "You packed Amanda's suitcase, right?"
     "Right."  A thought occurred to me.  I walked out into the
living room and got the phone/address book.  It was the only place
in the apartment where my mother's address was listed.  I
_wouldn't_ risk my daughter to any insane Cousins or "Uncle"
vampires.  Bruce watched as I put the address book in Amanda's
suitcase.  "Hey, I'm not leaving Mom's address for any of those
Cousins to get hold of," I said.
     "Good idea."
     "Why don't you go out and get her to come in?  We'll get ready
to go and have an early lunch."

     Bruce walked outside to track down our wayward eight-year old.
     While he was gone, I got on the computer and sent a message:

From: tmp_harkins@d.......

I know now the Wars are real.  Bruce and I are on our way to
Toronto.  We'll make further contact when we get there.

--Sandra Gray

     Bruce returned with Amanda and we all got ready to go.  The
computer beeped that a message was waiting when we were about ready
to make our last minute checks before leaving.  Bruce sat down and
called up the message.  It read:

From: king@a.......

Dear Bruce,

Got your message.  Yes, the Wars are real and we need all the Die-
Hard help we can get (if you're interested) to help mediate an end
to these "Wars."  The Die-Hard Headquarters is the St. George
Residence, located right next to the Toronto university.  It has
a white and red Templar (?) cross at the entrance.  Hope to see you



     "Who's Kathy?" I asked.
     "One of the Die-Hards.  I guess Dawn is pretty busy."  He
hit the reply button and I watched as he typed a short message back
to Kathy that we would be there as soon as we could get there.
Then he hit send.  After sitting silently a minute, he started to
do something else.
     "What are you doing?"
     "Adding a couple of levels of password protection--for
security purposes."  He finished and turned off the computer.

     By noon we were on our way to Hagerstown, MD to drop off
Amanda at my mother's house.  Then it was on to Baltimore, to try
to get a late afternoon flight to Toronto.  As we boarded the
plane, I tried to still the butterflies in my stomach.  Heights
always had bothered me; if it hadn't been for the perceived
necessity I saw of us getting to Toronto as soon as possible, I
would have suggested we drive.  'Oh, well.  I just won't look out
the window.  And maybe a drink or two wouldn't hurt either.'

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